This Girl's Got a Stalker

When I signed up to be in a Fantasy Football league with a bunch of my guy friends no one ever told me that stalking comes along with being in a league. And by signing up I mean I petitioned for my ass to be in the league. I needed to prove to myself and others that I truly know what I'm talking about. But am I starting to regret it now that I have a stage one clinger?

Not for a minute. I can handle this.

The draft took place last night and the second I hit "Bid" for Cam Newton at a price of $42 in the Auction Draft (yes, Auction Draft, I know) and the clock timed out, Sold to Mare'sLair's Slayers, I not only acquired a solid QB, I also acquired a nice stalker. When I say I was contacted in multiple forms of social media, I mean it. Or any type of communication really. Verbal acknowledgement from across the room that he wanted Cam Newton was first. Followed by messages in the GroupMe app for the iPhone. Then again in the chat on the online draft. This isn't even the worst part.

A goodnight GroupMe message too.

"sleep on it tonight"

Sure thing, guy!

I am not even five minutes in my commute to work this morning when I get a text message from my new stalker.

7:43AM "hope you slept well and thought about arw trade"

Arw trade? I think he meant OUR trade.

Actually, I didn't sleep well. I had a bit of a personal nightmare and kept waking up every two to three hours in a cold sweat. All of which was unrelated to you wanting my quarterback. At around 2AM I wake up and can't fall back to sleep so I casually check my email. Oh, would ya look at this! A trade proposal. Oh wait! Two trade proposals. Both within a twenty minute time frame. Now, I think I've got him where I want him. Hanging by a thread, pathetically if I may add.

As I get to work and sign on to AIM, for work related reasons, my first instant message is from who but my stalker. It's important to note that we are already friends on AIM and talk on a daily basis. As I look back now to see what he first says to me, I noticed that he's left work quite early on the Friday before the holiday weekend and no longer can see our conversation. But it went something like this.

"So lets work on this trade deal"

So how bout we not and I'll get back to you when I've analyzed my team further.

Apparently he didn't get it because after I told him that I wasn't trading Cam Newton to him he thought of some other cool ways to convince me why I should trade Roddy White and/or Tony Gonzalez. After I turn him down to Tony I simply ignore every message after that point, until this one.

"I know you're the bell of the ball right now but I just want a dance."

Oh yeah?! That one was tweet worthy.

So I let him down easy with the following:

"Listen, I need time. It's not you it's me."

From there on out till he finally left work for the weekend it was a combination between who's driving down to Philly tonight and what bar we were going to and if I wanted to trade Roddy White for DeSean Jackson and someone else. I simply told him that doesn't seem logical and that I would see him at 7:30 tonight. I can't wait to listen to his bullshit over beers tonight.

A Shattered Dream (a little dramatic, I know)

I hate parking in the city. I would rather spend $20 at a parking garage than humiliate myself trying to parallel park. It just never clicked for me. So as I was preparing for my debut at the WIP studio last Tuesday morning the only thing that gave me anxiety was getting there and finding parking. What if I get lost and am late and then disqualified? What if I think I can just pull into a spot on the street but really should have parallel parked and end up crying out of frustration (that's happened before). This last what if turned out to be a reality. What if I am in the wrong lane and can't get over fast enough and go over the Ben Franklin Bridge?

Yup.

Instead of staying in the right lane onto 6th St., I am stuck in the left lane on my way over the Ben Franklin Bridge to New Jersey. I was already a half hour early so I didn't freak out too much. I quickly plugged my current location and the studios address into the Maps app on my iPhone and made my way back over the bridge in about six minutes. Phew. The sad thing is that I've gone over the Ben Franklin Bridge before by mistake. You would think I'd learned my lesson the first time but apparently I didn't.

After that episode I found the nearest parking garage which was luckily right behind the WIP building. I made way way through security and up to the 9th floor where I met the intern Francesca and was taken back to the studio. This is awesome, I thought to myself. This is happening!

And yes I will be bringing you through almost step by step as to what happened. Sorry I'm not sorry.

When I walked in the two other guys were already there and I sat myself right next to who I assumed was Glen since he was sporting an all black workout attire flaunting his personal trainer profession. I will say that I was surprised how nice he was. When I heard him on the air I initially thought he was full of it. Turns out he is a nice guy. They do exist.

We chatted for a few minutes and Angelo came out during a commercial break to let us know what the deal was. He was going to bring us in and do the interviews and then we would go to another room for some Phillies trivia.

"Oh shit" I thought. I'm not good with sports history or who is the all time leader in Phillies whatever category. It's just not my thing. It's more of a "I wasn't born then so I don't really know" attitude. But I will admit that sports history is something I need to work on.

They brought me and Glen into the studio first to be interviewed. What I didn't know and I'm sure most listeners were unaware of as well, is that Rhea sits in a different room than Angelo and Al do. There is a window between the rooms and Rhea has multiple computer screens at her disposal for her sports updates and Twitter news. I would want to be in a different room than Angelo too if I were her.

The atmosphere there is incredible. Between the hosts, producers and interns the energy is very spirited at an early hour which made the whole experience enjoyable and really stress free. In these types of situations I would be getting uncontrollably nervous which typically includes a shaky voice, red face and shortness of breath. Lucky me, I felt right at home.

Glen was up first. Angelo was intrigued by his profession as a personal trainer and his attitude about women. Of course his comment about reindeers came up, but in a way, was perfect for this interview.

"Now Glen we know you're into butts.."

"Like a reindeer."

That was the recording from his first call that Friday. I couldn't help but burst out laughing and even more so at Glen's goofy laugh.

So his interview goes on about how he has "access" to a lot of women and quite frankly I won't bore you with his story so I turn you now to my shining moment.

"Mare is smokin hot!"

Thanks. No, really thanks Angelo. I'd like to win these tickets based on something other than my looks, please. In addition to why it's easier for a girl to find these dates and who I had in mind, there was no way Angelo wasn't going to bring up the breakup. So we dabbled on that topic for a while as I bullshitted my way in bad mouthing the ex in the most modest way I could.

"What did he do?"-Angelo

"He dumped me!"

I couldn't have said it any simpler. But I tried to stray away from the whole breakup because I felt it was unnecessary at this point and didn't want to look at my phone later to missed calls or angry text messages.

(Thinking about this experience now I wished I had blogged about this right after it happened because I feel I could have colored the day a little better but I am trying my best to picture this day and share it with whoever is reading my blog.)

I explained how I already had some dates lined up in my head and I really did, I just hadn't asked more than one person yet, which was okay in case I didn't win. Apparently this was an interesting topic for Angelo because he is convinced that women have an "on deck" lined up after a breakup. I spoke for myself and said I didn't have a realistic one, and just that Riley Cooper was on my pretend list. I never got to tell him that I wanted to start a Twitter campaign to get him to be a date for one of the games if I won.

The first thing Angelo says after we're off the air surprised me in the upmost way.

"Mare, you should think about doing the Steven Singer Bubble Bath, I'm serious you'd be great."

"WHAT?! No, I won't do that"

Yes, it's tacky and no I'm not into that, even if the prize is worth $10,000. Not my style. He didn't like my response and before I left that morning mentioned it to me another two or three times.

Hell. No.

Angelo clearly had his vote in for me and now the other dude was up next, Dave. How coincidental that he also went through a break up, a more serious one I'd say, at around the same time as I did.

"It wasn't you two that were dating was it?!"- Angelo

If that were my ex competing with me that studio would have been a lot more dramatic, I'll tell you that much. But, no Dave was not my type and I think I might have offended him when I told him he was too old after Angelo asked if I would date him.

Dave seemed a little full of shit himself, too. So what that he had more than 19 girls' phone numbers. He wasn't anything special, in my opinion.

After Dave's interview we were taken into another room where we were nailed with random Phillies trivia. It was a rapid fire kind of deal where they went one by one asking us different questions. Glen had to go ahead and guess within a two percent range of what Chase Utley's stealing percentage or whatever the question was. So what if Dave happened to be spot on on what the most dollar dogs sold in one night was (75,000 hot dogs- gross Philly). I went two for two on that round with Ruiz leading the team with doubles and the soft pretzel selling more than any other food item in the stadium, which I found hard to believe that a.) that answer came out of my mouth and b.) was still taken as a correct answer after someone guessed the other real answer, crab fries.

The round that killed all of us was naming the former first round picks on the Phillies' current roster. It took about 15 minutes before the judges decided to end it. We were awful. We did get a hint toward the end that they don't have to be star players. They weren't kidding.
After all the party and bullshit we were taken back into the studio and ready for the announcement. Right before we went back in I presented Glen with a little present.

A Webkinz reindeer. For those of you who haven't babysat or been around kids in the last three to five years these are the modern day Beanie Babies.

Before the announcement we were told we were all getting Phillies tickets for Sunday's game even if we didn't win. I'm thinking, "Oh, so now I have to sit next to these people if I don't win?".

Friggin Glen. I should have immediately taken back that Webkinz and returned it to my four and six year old neighbors but I refrained and smiled politely at the winner.

"Now Glen, why don't you ask Mare to go to one of  the games with ya. Mare tell him no."- Angelo smirked

"Hey pretty baby would you voice.

"I have plans."

So there you go, my short term dreams were crushed. I had big plans for those tickets. Riley Cooper was bound to respond to one of my tweets accepting the offer for a date and then we'd end up dating and I'd be at every Eagles game for the remainder of his career here in Philadelphia.

Yes, sadly those exact thoughts came to mind. But hey, a girl can dream.

A Second Chance

When I am on vacation I don't like setting alarms but granted I was given a second chance at landing those 19 Phillies games I found myself yet again awake before my alarm. I sat in bed for about twenty minutes before I started calling in to WIP. It took a few tries before I was able to get past the busy signal and finally reach someone.

"Hi, its Mare. Angelo told me to call in this morning again for the 19 Phillies games."

I found out pretty quickly that my parents shore house was not a hot spot for cell service so I mosied my way out of bed and outside on the sidewalk in front of the house. Lucky me I was on hold listening to the Soup Nazi. Didn't know him. Never heard of him for that matter but eventually figured out during his interview that he was a Seinfeld character. I'm not Seinfeld fan to say the least. Not my kind of show. I'd rather watch Criminal Minds or CSI all day, just sayin.

As I am on hold, Soup Nazi's interview is over and I hear Angelo shout to the world that there is one last chance for a running at the 19 Phillies games.

"I have Mare in the lead now, she called in Friday but I want to give others a chance so if you can get through the lines are pretty clogged please call in. But Mare's up next."

Here we go! I got this, I kept thinking to myself. There was less than an hour for others to call in and I was optimistic this was all mine for the taking. I was ready.

"Hey Mare, how are you today?"

I'm great, now give me those friggin tickets, Angelo. No, I didn't say that but I sure should have. Aside from the boring chit chat we got straight to the point and I was determined to make my case yet again on air.

Here we go again.

"You sound extremely attractive, Mare. What do you look like?"

Oh how our elders forget things sometimes. I refreshed his memory from Friday's call but the short blonde description I gave was not enough, he had to know my favorite body part.

"You mean on me? Or the guys?"

Ricky Botalico got a kick out of that one, but I was serious. No one's ever asked me that question and honestly I've never thought about it so I struggled and said my abs. They're no abs of steel but hey, that could be intimidating and possibly even scary looking on a female. The only six pack I can relate to is a little thing called Budweiser.

After about three more "Mare, you sound extremely attractive" comments the conversation went back and forth from breakup talk and the 19 different dates. Angelo seemed sold on my call and my chances of making it to the next round were increasing. There was about 20 minutes left in the show and only one caller decided to challenge me for these tickets.

Uh oh. I kept thinking what if it's the ex calling in to compete against me? Or what if its one of his friends or someone I know that wants to shatter my dream for the time being? Shit. I guess I'll find out in a minute.

"Yo can I take some of my guy friends to these games? Is that ok, I'd like to take a few buddies if that's ok."

Is this guy serious? It gets even better.

"No no, we need you to be able to try and get 19 dates. Are you single?"- Angelo

"No, I'm married with four kids."

Thank God. Let the drum roll begin.

I won. 

Next stop: 400 Market Street

"Like a reindeer"

I always wake up at least an hour before my 7:30 alarm goes off every morning. Last Friday was no different, except in a way it was. I could see the glow from my iHome on the floor of my bedroom read 5:55. Normally, I would turn over and pull the sheets back over my head but before I did that I decided to check Twitter for some reason. One of the recent tweets was from 94.1 WIP and I don't remember what it said exactly but I remembered at that moment that I only had until Monday to get my chance at winning 19 Phillies games for the month of August.

"@rheahughes when can I call in to make my case for why I should win the 19 Phillies games?"

"right now!"

That was easy. The lines must not have been busy at that hour because the phone rang, I presented my reason for calling and gave my name. I waited on the line only a half hour and it was already my time to win the morning show over.

Going into this I knew I had a valid case to present. My points were quick and more than worthy of a shot at such a memorable prize. Angelo started off by asking why I should win the tickets so I began with my first and in my opinion, most dominant point.

"Well, I want to make up for the games I'm missing after losing a Sunday pack in a break up."

Their responses went something like this (almost in unison):

"Ohhhh noo!! Wow. What happened? Did you both pay for them? Why?! Oh man!"

After explaining that the ex took them and we both paid the same amount it was evident that Angelo needed to know more.

"What happened? Why did he break up with you, did he say it's not you it's me? Tell me more, Mare."

I knew there was a 98% chance he was listening that morning, like he does everyday, so I sort of kept my answers brief.

"Yeah, well he broke up with me and I guess it was a form of its not you it's me but I'm pretty sure he's listening I don't think it's a good idea to elaborate." ( As I awkwardly giggle)

That was Angelo's cue to do what he does best, well to some degree. First I sounded "extremely attractive" then since I tweeted at Rhea he must have caught a glimpse of my twitter picture because I was asked if I was the blonde or brunette because then I was "very gorgeous, you both are, really".

At that point I knew I had won at least Angelo over so I made my second point as to why it's easier for a girl to find 19 dates than it is for a guy. I summed it up by pretty much saying it is easier to find a guy who likes sports, enjoys going to games and has a general understanding and knowledge of sports than it is to find the same in a girl. I'm already a pretty good example of what I described above so finding that in guys is simple. I think it's hard to find a girl who will pay attention, know who is at bat or playing right field, know what an ERA is and maybe even stay for the entire game. I've witnessed some pretty bad dates at sporting events and I feared that if they chose a guy to win, he had a pretty decent chance of missing a two run home run or some huge play because he had to get up in the middle of an inning and get his girl a Mike's Hard Lemonade because she doesn't like the real beer the yellow shirts sell in the stands. There's a good chance that is bound to happen at least once or twice in those 19 dates. If you've seen How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, you know what I'm talking about.

"Mare, I gotta tell ya, you knocked it out of the park!" With that and a few more "you sound very attractive" comments it was clear I had the in. However, I did mention something in my call that I didn't expect to produce much of a result. When asked how I would go about finding these dates, my response was "with some phone calls and then I'd open it up to Twitter." After accepting my offer as a finalist and giving my last name and contact info offline I hung up and had four new email notifications of new Twitter followers, all guys not to mention. Like I said, these results were unexpected but hey I guess I can thank Angelo for that for the endless compliments.

I continued to listen to the show that morning and decided to go for a walk since I was wide awake at that point. Again, I heard Angelo signing my praises, "Mare was amazing, can you beat her?!"

Apparently, someone did. Long story short, the guy who got both Angelo's and Al's vote was Glenn, who happened to be remembered most for his answer to which body part he liked on a woman best, the butt.

"Like a reindeer."

Nope. No. Friggin. Way. I was not losing to reindeer man. So I called back and pretty much got right through and on air.

"Oh wait, we got Mare back on the line and she's not happy. How are ya, Mare?!"

What do you think, Ang??! I refuted my loss and wanted a re-match but Angelo simply told me since he liked my call and you know, thought I "sounded very attractive" that I can call back Monday and get in the running.

Yup. He was getting that call Monday morning, no doubt about it, Angelo. Besides, "like a reindeer"?? Not gonna lose to that comment.