When I signed up to be in a Fantasy Football league with a bunch of my guy friends no one ever told me that stalking comes along with being in a league. And by signing up I mean I petitioned for my ass to be in the league. I needed to prove to myself and others that I truly know what I'm talking about. But am I starting to regret it now that I have a stage one clinger?
Not for a minute. I can handle this.
The draft took place last night and the second I hit "Bid" for Cam Newton at a price of $42 in the Auction Draft (yes, Auction Draft, I know) and the clock timed out, Sold to Mare'sLair's Slayers, I not only acquired a solid QB, I also acquired a nice stalker. When I say I was contacted in multiple forms of social media, I mean it. Or any type of communication really. Verbal acknowledgement from across the room that he wanted Cam Newton was first. Followed by messages in the GroupMe app for the iPhone. Then again in the chat on the online draft. This isn't even the worst part.
A goodnight GroupMe message too.
"sleep on it tonight"
Sure thing, guy!
I am not even five minutes in my commute to work this morning when I get a text message from my new stalker.
7:43AM "hope you slept well and thought about arw trade"
Arw trade? I think he meant OUR trade.
Actually, I didn't sleep well. I had a bit of a personal nightmare and kept waking up every two to three hours in a cold sweat. All of which was unrelated to you wanting my quarterback. At around 2AM I wake up and can't fall back to sleep so I casually check my email. Oh, would ya look at this! A trade proposal. Oh wait! Two trade proposals. Both within a twenty minute time frame. Now, I think I've got him where I want him. Hanging by a thread, pathetically if I may add.
As I get to work and sign on to AIM, for work related reasons, my first instant message is from who but my stalker. It's important to note that we are already friends on AIM and talk on a daily basis. As I look back now to see what he first says to me, I noticed that he's left work quite early on the Friday before the holiday weekend and no longer can see our conversation. But it went something like this.
"So lets work on this trade deal"
So how bout we not and I'll get back to you when I've analyzed my team further.
Apparently he didn't get it because after I told him that I wasn't trading Cam Newton to him he thought of some other cool ways to convince me why I should trade Roddy White and/or Tony Gonzalez. After I turn him down to Tony I simply ignore every message after that point, until this one.
"I know you're the bell of the ball right now but I just want a dance."
Oh yeah?! That one was tweet worthy.
So I let him down easy with the following:
"Listen, I need time. It's not you it's me."
From there on out till he finally left work for the weekend it was a combination between who's driving down to Philly tonight and what bar we were going to and if I wanted to trade Roddy White for DeSean Jackson and someone else. I simply told him that doesn't seem logical and that I would see him at 7:30 tonight. I can't wait to listen to his bullshit over beers tonight.
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